Silent Poison

By Tom Hoobyar

Article Word Count 1092, average reading time 4.4 minutes.

Three things happened recently all with the same theme and I wanted to share them with you.

The first one was last week. Late afternoon. I'm trying to finish an errand run and get home and back to work before the commute traffic costs me extra time.

I've been to the bank, dry cleaners, Post Office, pet supply shop for cat sand, and I need coffee beans for the house. Yep, the last legal addictive drug. And Vikki and I are REALLY fond of strong freshly ground coffee in the morning. And we're out, so I have to stop now.

I rush into the coffee shop congratulating myself on how quickly and efficiently I got through all the errands - and stumble to a halt. There's a line.

What? There's never a line at this time of day. Most of the Silicon Valley engineers and programmers should be lined up at Jamba Juice by now, getting their lemon grass shot with protein powder or something.

So I look to see what the holdup is. There are two guys behind the counter, so it shouldn't go this slow. Then I notice that neither of them is looking at us customers in the line. They are both fiddling with a jammed coffee grinder like a couple of kids playing with electric trains.

We wait. And wait. And while we wait, several other people come in, see the line, and turn around and leave. Not me. I gotta have those coffee beans for tomorrow morning.

The two guys still don't look up. I'm getting a little irritated, watching my carefully protected time savings dribble away while they play with the machine.

Don't they realize that we are important? That we customers are the reason they even have a job? I'm beginning to write an essay in my head, "How Businesses Fail."

Then I finally say, "Hey, guys, how about getting us taken care of and out of your hair, then you can fix your machine?"

They glare at me and start over to help us - I glare back, secretly grateful that they can't get even by spitting in the coffee beans or anything.

The same kind of thing happened yesterday when I was calling around to find a suitcase for Vikki for an upcoming trip. I found two stores that had it in stock.

One guy was chatty and helpful; the other guy was surly and didn't volunteer anything - not even the directions to his store. When I hung up I had the feeling that we weren't going to be buddies. I bought from the first guy.

Then today I went to a Middle Eastern market that cooks Persian food for takeout. I'm waiting out in the sun for my order with a half dozen people in front of me when a big argument erupts from the window where they are handing out the food.

"Would you please wrap those two orders separately? Hey! I said to put them in two different bags."

The cook said, "I can't. You have to tell the guy up front how you want them wrapped."

Now the customer is mad. "You did this to me yesterday! I told them up front I wanted these two orders wrapped separately. Why can't you do that? You just take another bag from that shelf and put my order in it!" He's yelling now.

"I'm too busy to do that when they didn't tell me to do it!" The cook shouts. "Take your food or leave it - I don't care. Next!" I took my food without a word.

So I'm thinking of these three encounters as I drive back to the house today.

"Boy! People sure don't like each other in Silicon Valley! It's getting too crowded, I guess. I wish we lived in the country."

Whoa, waitaminnut! I checked into my inner state, listening to the inner voice, and realized that I was making myself unhappy over nothing, over how people were acting who I didn't even know.

I looked around me. The weather was beautiful, birds in the trees and pretty girls bicycling around town, kids in the playground with their mothers. There was a couple holding hands walking down the sidewalk.

Two old guys were playing checkers on a table at an outdoor café, and I was heading home with some fine smelling Persian food in the car.

All of a sudden I felt better.

I hadn't even been paying attention to how I was making myself feel when I was thinking about these three people who didn't seem terribly interested in helping me as a customer.

So???

I realized that feeling the way I felt at the moment, smiling to myself and feeling VERY lucky, is the way I feel most of the time.

Only I had gotten careless, and let a limited interpretation of a couple of interactions start a toxic little commentary running in my head.

A commentary that was poisoning my day. It would have reduced my enjoyment of this fine lunch, and I was basically talking myself into a funk.

I had no reason to feel downbeat - I love my life. I was going home to eat, nap, and write - three of my favorite things in the world.

So what's the takeaway for you here?

I don't know about you, but I find that if I'm sensitive to my feelings, I can notice when they start to take a dip for no reason - and that's when I know to stop and take a close look and listen to the pictures and sounds in my own head.

Usually whatever's going on that's negative is some silly thing that isn't important - a news story about some bonehead thing a politician has done, or something someone said to someone - nothing serious.

But my mood was still being affected, and I didn't even know it till I stopped and paid attention to my inner world.

Then, as soon as I did, I recognized it as meaningless commentary that would do me no good, and I immediately looked around to locate reasons to be grateful - one of my favorite ways to change my mood instantaneously.

You might try it.

Half full or half empty? It's the same glass, so you get to decide.

Which way of thinking makes you feel better? Dwelling on something that is irritating or depressing, or something that makes you feel lucky and glad?

It doesn't really matter to the world what you let your mind feed on - but it does to you and everyone around you.

I invite you to think about it.

Seeya next time,

Tom Hoobyar

© 2007 by Tom Hoobyar

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